Hello Brilliant Friends,
>> Here’s the AUDIO for today’s newsletter
Are you settling?
Do you hear yourself say, this job isn’t THAT bad?
Or, my relationship is good enough?
Or, I don’t want to make any changes right now, I’ll just make it work.
If any of these sound familiar, you might be ready for (gasp!) an ending.
Almost two years ago, I had the urge to do something different career-wise but talked myself into staying. It’s not THAT bad. The people are nice. I like the location. Maybe I just need to change my attitude. Focus on the positive.
Great strategy – for about a day.
I recommend trying first to change your energy about a situation. Give it a chance to reconcile itself. Take responsibility for what you might be bringing to the experience…
But then, if you find yourself in the same rut days, weeks or years later.
It’s time to stop the rationalizing and start getting curious.
- What is really going on here?
- Is there a part of me that has outgrown this experience but doesn’t want to let it go?
- Have I grown comfortable?
- What stories am I telling myself about it? Am I the hero or the victim?
- Am I hiding?
- What’s changed in my environment, or in myself?
- What am I getting by staying stuck?
- How is confusion, indecision or stalling serving me?
- Do I get to be right, do I get to feel safe, do I get to avoid looking bad?
- Where am I maintaining false hope? Or not seeing things as they are?
- What needs to end and what might that make room for?
I did finally leave the job. It was hard. There were enough good things about it: smart people, regular salary, beautiful environs, strong institutional brand, seniority and flexibility.
One of my colleagues called staying there her “velvet coffin.”
It was so comfortable and satisfied so many seemingly important criteria. But at the end of the day, it wasn’t serving me.
I was no longer vital in the role and I was no longer having the impact and growth I wanted. It was time to end it. To make space for something new. To grow.
Growth is scary.
Growth means you’re bumping up against your edge and pushing just enough past it that your inner border patrol is alerted and rushes to bring you back into familiar territory: It’s dangerous, you could get hurt, embarrassed, or you could make a mistake. Pull back!
The other day, I was recounting my career journey: every job, how I got it, how it ended and what came next. I saw a delicious pattern emerge. One that helps me understand why Pause is now my passion.
Before every new start, there was a time of ending, a time for pause. Some pauses I initiated, some I didn’t. None of these pauses felt deliberate at the time. I didn’t think to myself, “just take a break and everything will fall into place.”
I had no certainty that taking a break would help me find my next gig, my next relationship, or my next passion, but in each and every case, that’s what happened.
All these endings came in different ways, some were voluntary, some involuntary. But they all had this in common, “I just wasn’t feeling it anymore.”
And no amount of positive self-talk or rationalizing was going to fix that.
So here’s what I want you to get present to. As we end 2019, what approaches, relationships, identities, habits or activities do you need to end?
And before you get all heavy about it, know this.
Endings are both healthy and inevitable.
Henry Cloud, author of Necessary Endings, puts it this way:
Endings are not only part of life, they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally.
Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time…
Endings are the reason you are not married to your prom date nor still working in your first job.
If you’re interested in exploring what endings you’re ready for, join me for Recharge-and-Get-Clear, Friday December 6 from 9-12 PT.
It’s a three-hour virtual retreat with like minded people to recharge, hear your own inner guidance and get clear on any questions (or endings) that are coming up for you.
Give yourself the space and support to enter 2020 with clarity and confidence. Early Bird pricing is available through Thanksgiving 11/28.
Discover for yourself that when you allow yourself to stop, you become unstoppable.
Chief Clarity Officer, Pause Box
If there’s any way I can support you, give me a quick call. I want to help you pave the way to a powerfully clear and confident 2020!