| oops, I burned out again. |
| In mid-November, I enjoyed one of my most productive months ever, and instead of feeling elated, I was exhausted. You see, I was doing #all the things an entrepreneur should do, posting to social every day, engaging my network, cultivating community in my FB group, creating and launching new products, coaching clients, managing my team, taking online classes, and working with talented mentors and coaches. I also had one of my best months ever channeling intuitive messages for my Alter Card subscribers. I was looking at the success and saying “more.” What if I pushed this offer, created this program, expanded this offering? I got caught up in the endorphin rush of all that busyness. Like a runner’s high, I tapped into my reserves and pushed myself further pulling a couple of 16-hour workdays to meet a deadline. The event I had prepped for was awesome, I was rewarded with great engagement and authentic connection, and I went into the weekend on a high fantasizing about all the ways to grow my success. And then the crash came. That weekend, something turned off, I couldn’t motivate myself to do my practices, to check email and social, I indulged in wine and carbs and I sat by myself in a funk. I was soul-level tired. I pushed myself to go for a hike –my usual remedy for funks. Usually, when I hike, I’m able to connect to my inner guidance, my intuition, my creator energy. But, nope. Nothing. By mile 3, I realized I was in lockdown. A very scary state for a creative doer and perpetual improver. I thought to myself, maybe this is what writer’s block feels like? But it felt more than that–It felt like a whole-body block, a soul-block. I kept placing the call to Divine, but no one was picking up. Then the shame came. Oh, the irony. I teach Pause but couldn’t prevent my own burnout. While doing #allthethings out there, I lost sight of how I wanted to feel in here. How did I let this happen? I used to think that my tendency toward overwork was a result of being in corporate culture. But here I was, no cube in sight. Just me, and my old patterns of proving, hustle, control, and over effort. Thankfully, my work teaches me to honor what’s showing up and not resist it. So I did that in a BIG way. I declared a pause for myself for the rest of the year. You heard that right. A 2-month Pause. All those big plans and ideas? I put them on hold. I even canceled my subscription service to give myself room to pause. This was a heartbreaking decision but I knew that in the space I created, I would grow a far more powerful and nourishing offering. My ego was not happy with me and I suffered non-stop assaults from my inner critic calling me irresponsible, a quitter, weak, and an imposter. I wanted to hide –and did, for a few days. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t start any new programs until the new year, and that I would use the time to write and rest and do only the things that restored me. To launch the pause officially, I arranged for 2 nights away at an Airbnb cottage in Half Moon Bay. I arrived with my favorite nonfiction books and poetry, an Oracle deck, crystals and stones, essential oils, candles, supplies for a personal Rip & Reveal session plus groceries from Whole Foods. I didn’t leave the cottage except to take beach walks. (BTW: If you’re interested in seeing what happens in a personal pause retreat, I invite you to join my FB group Pausibility where I share some behind-the-scenes.) I rested, journaled, danced, and nourished myself. I also got clear that I wanted to create a new relationship with work and money. One built on trust, play, relaxation, celebration, self-honoring, and community. And that’s where I am today. Slowly, my creative connection is returning. I’m inspired once again to show up. But this time I’m sharing the process as transparently as I can –before I’ve had a chance to put a bow on it. This is a big and meaningful step for me as I move away from my old perfectionist pattern and the need to be “right.” Transformation is messy and being an entrepreneur means that my business is often my greatest teacher. This pause hasn’t delivered all the answers, yet, but it has helped me get to the right questions. I’m feeling my way through the process and I’m deeply grateful for the chance and space to do so without the expectation of productivity and results. Did you hear that? I’m creating space for myself without the expectation of results –simply because it feels good and it’s what I need. What if you too could take a break from all the commitments and give yourself space to attend to what you most need? Really, go ahead and imagine that. Since this pause has been so powerful for me, I want to make it available to those of you who are also be called to it. If you’re feeling the pull to take a break, if you’re feeling the funk approaching, or if it’s been a long time since you allowed yourself to feel anything (other than pressure), reach out. I would love to custom design a pause for you that helps you recharge and get clear on the questions that are up for you. And, don’t worry, it doesn’t have to take 2 months, you can start with as little as a half-day. So, check-in and see if this is right for you. You’ll know you’re ready if you feel excited by the possibility but also a little nauseous. >> Just hit reply to this email, and we’ll go from there. And, if you’re in the mood to create your own DIY pause, I have a resource for that too. Download your free guide: 10 Essential Steps To A Skillful Pause. Feel free to ask me ANY questions, I’m here to help. Here’s to a beautiful holiday season with less hustle and more pause. Enjoy every moment! |